WOMEN YOU MUST NOT MARRY (PART FIVE)

by olusegun Mokuolu
(Nigeria)

THE EXTERNAL WOMAN
2 Timothy 3:5

Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. (2 Timothy 3:5)

The last type of woman we shall be examining is the external woman. External in the sense that she has an appearance that seems Godly. Nevertheless, deep within her, she's empty and full of rubbish. Now this is the way the Bible describes such a woman, ‘Having a form of godliness.’ They only have what looks like true Christianity. They have the Church language but they don’t have the Church life. They appear as Christians but the transforming power of the Holy Spirit cannot be seen in their life. They only posses an external form. Let’s look at that verse from other translations.

They will hold to the outward form of our religion, but reject its real power. Keep away from such people. (2 Timothy 3:5 GNB) They will appear to have a godly life, but they will not let its power change them. Stay away from such people. (2 Timothy 3:5 GW) They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people. (2 Timothy 3:5 MSG) and will keep up a make-believe of piety and yet live in defiance of its power. Turn away from people of this sort. (2 Timothy 3:5 WNT)

The God’s Word Bible says, ‘They will appear to have a godly life.’ This calls for great discernment. Any Christian man would have jumped on such a woman, thinking he has found a Godly woman and obtained the favour of the Lord. A woman walked into my office recently and I couldn’t different her mode of dressing from that of a prostitute. I made up my mind immediately to witness to her without condemning her dressing.

As we continued in our conversation, I discovered that she goes to Church and has all the Christian language. She is active in Church and attends fellowships. She even told me about the workings of the Holy Spirit in her life. I sensed there was no point sharing the Gospel with her. So I devised another method of reaching out to her. I witnessed to her by telling her my life’s story so that she could see the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. Even as am writing this, I still wonder how she knows so much about Christianity but without any transforming effect on her.

However, other women have even perfected the outward appearance of a Godly person. Looking at them with the natural eyes, you may presume they are living for the Kingdom. Here is the way Good News Bible describes such, ‘they will hold to the outward form of our religion.’ We need great discernment in the Body of Christ today. They hold on to the outward form of Christianity. Let nobody deceives you, Christianity has an outward form. This outward form is a reflection of the inward form.

However, there are groups of people today who are holding on to the outward form. That’s why several millions of people in our society profess to be Christians yet Godliness is on the increase. When you get married to such a woman, you have signed your marriage death warrant. There is something missing in the life of such women. ‘…but denying the power thereof.’ ‘…but reject its real power.’ ‘…but they will not let its power change them.’ ‘…but behind the scenes they're animals.’ ‘…yet live in defiance of its power.’

This is how the various translations define the problem with such life. A life that denies the power of God. This means that they don’t allow the power of God to transform them. In fact, they reject that power. They acknowledge the power with their mouth but completely reject it in their life. Behind the scenes where no one can see them, they are animals. Why will a man marry an animal as wife? You can then understand why we have all these problems in marriages today. Any marriage between a child of God and an animal is a disaster.

Here is how the Bible wants us to deal with such women. ‘From such turn away.’ ‘Keep away from such people.’ ‘Stay away from such people.’ ‘Stay clear of these people.’ ‘Turn away from people of this sort.’ I think the instruction is very clear. Stay away from such women. Even if your wedding in on the way, put it off and stay away from the woman. Don’t get carried away by the present emotional hype, call the relationship off and run away.

WOMEN YOU MUST NOT MARRY (Part 1)

by Olusegun Mokuolu
(Nigeria)

Matthew 7:11
The divorce rate and discontent in marriage is on the rise all over the world. It does appear as if man and woman can no longer live peacefully and joyfully together. It would not have been a big problem if these problems were limited to the world alone; but we are faced with a situation where even Christian couples are faced with the same challenges. Several (so called) ministers of God have broken their marital vows without blinking an eye.

They have dragged the name of the Lord in vain and are still pushing on with ‘ministries’. The bible has been twisted to gratify man’s corrupt nature. Those who have dragged the name of God into disrepute due to failure in their marriage will surely be judged, if they fail to repent and rebuild their broken marriages.

“Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.” (2 Timothy 2:19)

For Christian men intending to choose a marriage partner, dealing with the problem of divorce and discontent in marriage starts with making the right choice. We can deal with the problem by starting right. Even the Bible says, "If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?" (Psalms 11:3).

The focus of this study therefore will be to understand certain categories of partner that the Bible would not want God's Children to have marriage union with.

Knowing whom to marry is great, and knowing whom not to marry is helpful. Every Christian man would agree that it’s wrong to marry a non-Christian. However, it becomes difficult at times to choose a partner when the women available seem to be similar to Christians. Having attributes of children of God, yet not really knowing the Lord. We will therefore look at the word of God to help us identify these women.

THE GOOD WOMAN

The first type of woman every Christian Brother should run from is a good woman. Now, I know that sounds a bit crazy but wait until we check this from the word of God. The Bible says, “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" (Matthew 7:11)

There are women who are capable doing good and being nice but that does not mean they’ve had their evil nature transformed into the divine nature. They are still evil.

The Good news Bible puts it this way, "As bad as you are, you know how to give good things to your children. How much more, then, will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:11 GNB).

Even with his evil nature, man is capable of doing good. 'As bad as you are, you know how to give good things.' A woman can know how to do good but that doesn't mean she’s not very bad. Don’t look at what a woman does (works) look at who a woman is (fruits). "Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." (Matthew 7:20)
But for a Christian man to be in union with a woman whose nature is primarily evil will amount to unequal-yoking. As a man gets to the point of making that great decision, he must know that a good woman does not necessarily mean a Godly woman. A woman can be very nice but may not share in the nature of God.

All of the problems in marriages today are because we have thrown out the life of God in the running of our marriage. We’ve allowed the principle of the flesh to be our principle for ordering our marriage. The situation in Christian marriage is also similar to those in the world. The flesh doesn't profit in any way. Only when a man and woman with the nature of God come together in holy union can the marriages have any chance of success. This is not to say they won’t have challenges, but a house built on the rock (Jesus) can never fall. And God's definition of success in marriage is different from that in the world.

A marriage is successful in the eye of God only if it fulfills the purpose (and will) of God. Only a man and woman with the nature of God can fulfill the purpose of God in their lives. A man should therefore not base his choice of marriage partner on the fact that the woman is good. Good doesn’t always means Godly. What kind of woman do you want; a good woman or a Godly woman?

WOMEN YOU MUST NOT MARRY (PART FOUR)

by olusegun Mokuolu
(Nigeria)

Matthew 13:22
THE WOMAN WITH THORNS

He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful. (Matthew 13:22)
The fourth type of woman we shall be considering is the woman with thorns. But just to remind us that the essence of this study is to build a marital relationship that is based on the word of God and the principles of Scriptures. Many problems in marriage today would have been taken care of if the right choices were made. ‘If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalms 11:3).’

When the choice of marital spouse is wrong, even a Godly woman or man would be helpless in such situation. I pray the Lord help us to see the seriousness of this matter. But the good news is that the verse says ‘if’ and not when. That means the foundation doesn’t have to be wrong or destroyed. Therefore, knowing whom not to marry will help you in knowing whom to marry.

Now, our main text tells us about another kind of woman. ‘He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word…’ the woman with thorns is the woman that also hears the word of God. She’s a believer in the word and open to the word of God. She’s found in places where the word of God is being preached. She looked like the ideal woman every brother would love to marry. However, there is something about her that isn’t obvious to the natural eye.

‘and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches’ The bible calls it the care of this world and the deceitfulness of riches. Her heart is divided. She loves the world and the things in the world. She has not allowed the word of God to deal with the worldliness in her life. Brothers, please don’t marry worldly woman. Everything about her may seems right now but the end is disaster. Don’t marry a woman engrossed with the riches of this world.

The phrase, ‘deceitfulness of riches’ means that the woman doesn’t know she’s being deceived by the riches she is pursuing. She thinks she is doing a legitimate thing not knowing that the force behind her drives is ‘deceitfulness of riches.’ She doesn’t see any danger in her love for the things of this world. ‘and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word…’ The things she cherished in her heart become her undoing.

Worldliness and Godliness doesn’t go together. You either pick one or leave the other. You cannot combine the two. Such women suddenly becomes worldly in later years of their life and their spouse would be wondering how it happened. Actually, those things have been there all along. But emotional blindness had robbed the husband from seeing it at the on-set of the relationship. ‘No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.’ (Matthew 6:24) (1 John 2:15-16)

Every investment of the Word of God in the life of a woman deceived by the riches of this world would amount to nothing. Such woman will make the life of any serious Christian brother miserable. Therefore, of such sisters flee. When it comes to marriage, there should be no compromise. Don’t deceive yourself that she will get better or that you will change her. You cannot change any man. You cannot change what God has not changed.

‘and (s)he becometh unfruitful’ (emphasis mine). This is the way the Lord Jesus describes the end of such woman. Her end is better. The Bible says she becomes unfruitful. Such women are never fruitful. That’s why their marriage will also not be fruitful. They become useless to God, the Church and their spouse. Brothers in the Lord run away from the woman with thorns. By their fruit, you shall know them. They can be your friend, and sisters in the Lord, but don’t make one your spouse.

In the light of today’s study, do you think many marriages are in trouble today because one of the spouses had thorns in his/her heart?

WOMEN YOU MUST NOT MARRY (Part 2)

by Olusegun Mokuolu
(Nigeria)

Matthew 13:19

THE WAY-SIDE WOMAN

The second type of woman you must avoid is the way-side woman. So who’s a way-side woman? Perhaps, the Bible can help us to understand the identity of this woman. Our Lord Jesus Christ told His disciples, "When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side." (Matthew 13:19)

The wayside woman is a woman who has been exposed several times to the gospel message but doesn't understand it. She may even have attended Church for 20years but not having understanding of the gospel. This is why we have people who have attended Church all their lives without the gospel influencing their lives.

Don't marry a women because she is open to gospel. Don’t marry a woman because she loves attending Christian conferences. Until you see the fruit of the gospel in a life, that life cannot be said to a good soil. The characteristic of such women is that what they hear is not true in their lives. "Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth." (2 Timothy 3:7)

The way the Bible puts it in 2Timothy 3:7 is even more scaring. 'Ever learning', this is a serious statement. How could someone the desire to know the gospel message, 'and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.' This is why we counsel our brother to be more patient and prayerful when making marital choice. That a sister is opened to the gospel doesn't mean she understands the message.

Getting married to such women could spell doom for the marriage. The word of God is the only manual for Christian couples. When it's lacking in any heart, it becomes impossible for that heart to do the will of God. The empty partner(s) would result to the wisdom of the flesh to direct an institution of God. Therefore, be vigilant and don’t marry a way-side woman.

There's even one more serious issue about the wayside woman. Let’s look at a statement in the passage. 'then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart.' This person is under the influence of the evil one. The evil one removes the word by replacing it with it’s own word. It means such a woman has the evil one as her adviser. Her concept and disposition will be based on what the evil one has sown in her heart.

You need to ask yourself a serious question before making your choice. Don't let your feeling dictate to you. Don't allow your emotion to blind your eye. Remember the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, "Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." (Matthew 7:20)

There are few questions I want to leave you with. What are you looking at in a woman? What are you looking for in a woman? What do you want in a woman? Examine these questions in the light of today’s study.

WOMEN YOU MUST NOT MARRY (PART THREE)

by olusegun Mokuolu
(Nigeria)

Matthew 13:20-21

THE STONY HEARTED WOMAN



But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended. 
(Matthew 13:20-21)

This type of woman is more dangerous. The danger about this woman can be found in this statement, ‘the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it.’ Here is a woman who is open to the word of God. Here is a woman who rejoices when she hears the word of God. She even begins to show some fruit. Yet, she has no root. All her life is only in the surface, she is not rooted in Christ.

She could be submissive, of a meek & quiet spirit today, and turn Jezebel tomorrow. She could be a faithful wife today and be found in another man’s lap tomorrow. She loves to talk about the word of but she’s not real. There’s an air of artificiality around her. However, when a man is not sensitive in his spirit, he thinks he has found a virtuous woman. That’s why patience is the ultimate true test. With time, she would manifest who she really is.

There is a simple test that God allows in order to reveal such women. ‘for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word.’ Tribulation and persecution are the tools that God uses. Such women cannot stand when the going gets tough. Once faced with challenges, they back out. They cannot suffer for the gospel. They cannot stand in the face of trouble. They don’t like people persecuting them. The Bible says, ‘by and by he (she) is offended.’ (Emphasis mine). This is her trait. She gets offended easily and nags regularly.

Getting married to such sisters can be hell in itself. She keeps manifesting attitudes that are not becoming of a child of God. The man would be wondering how the ‘Godly woman’ he married has suddenly become a tiger. The truth is that she’s just showing her true colour. The man could not notice this in the beginning because the Bible says, ‘but dureth for a while.’ The problem is the phrase ‘for a while.’ She has a little period when she gets things right but it’s only for a while.

Don’t rush to marry a sister because she’s performing spiritually and getting things right. Be patient and let time test her faith for you to see. Don’t get deceived for a while. We don’t know how long that ‘for a while’ would last. It could even be five years for some. If the sister
is not confronted with tribulation and persecution for a year, all could be well with her for a year. This is why we must depend on God in our choice making.

Let’s look at a statement in that passage again. ‘Yet hath he (she) not root in himself herself).’ (Emphasis mine) The root of the problem for such women is that they have no root. The root is part of the tree that is not usually seen but it’s the source of life to the tree. Without the root the tree will surely die. A stonyhearted woman does not have a deep-rooted relationship with Christ. She does not share privacy with Jesus. Her convictions are on the surface. Yet without the root-relationship, we cannot last for the Lord. There are scriptures that shed more light this. A man shall not be established by wickedness: but the root of the righteous shall not be moved. 

(Proverbs 12:3) And the remnant that is escaped of the house of Judah shall again take root downward, and bear fruit upward: 
(Isaiah 37:31)

Most people would want to avoid the downward movement that the word of God brings to our life. They are not truly prepared to be broken.‘Judah shall again take root downward, and bear fruit upward.’ Without the downward movement, there cannot be the bearing of lasting fruit.

Therefore, when a woman lacks this downward root experience she will only be able to endure for a while. My counsel to such sisters can be found in the words of Apostle Paul to Colossians’ Christians. “As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him:  Rooted and built up in him, and established in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.”  (Colossians 2:6-7)

Remember to always show the love of Christ to all men, including the stonyhearted ones. We are all brothers and sisters in the Lord. However, when it comes to making marital choice, you cannot join yourself to a stonyhearted woman. God who knows the heart of men would guide you if you put your trust in Him. In the light of this study, do you think a brother should take his chance with a stonehearted sister?

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