Laylan's Testimony: Freedom from Lust

by Laylan
(Manila)

I lived an aimless and rebellious life during my younger years. During College, I definitely struggled with trusting in God and waiting on His timing. The "world" was so appealing to me and therefore I fell into that "wordly lifestyle" of partying, drinking, smoking, gimmicks.

I was using the world to fulfill me and all of my desires. As a result, I got into a lot of relationships with non-christian guys. I allowed myself to compromise my own standards and become physical in my relationships with guys. Because I needed to feel accepted, I found myself giving more than I wanted to in order to feel loved.

I saw God working in the situation when I was in the midst of a physical relationship with a guy that wasn't going well. I talked to a friend about it to blow off some steam and she introduced me to her teacher who's a Christian. She was so easy to talk to and she helped me to understand that God loved me despite the fact that I had not lived a perfect life. She made me see that God loved me just the way I was, flaws and all.

Since I started realizing that God loved me for who I was and not for my actions, my life really started to take on a different meaning. I realized I didn't have to compromise my standards in relationships in order to feel loved. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior last Feb 16, 2002 and I felt victorious. I was freed from all the guilt and shame associated with my sins.

However as the years went by, my relationship with God fluctuated. I was battling my raging hormones and was trapped in a cycle of lust. I felt dirty and ashamed, so many times I found myself saying, "I'm sorry Lord, this will never happen again" only to fall down again the next hour, the next day, the next week. The worst part of it all is that I felt that I failed as a Christian. I felt that I let so many people down¦ my small group leader, church friends. I figured the only way to go is out. I distanced myself from them and turned away from church.

I saw God at work again when I got to know a Christian man through text messaging. I didn't know him personally, we never met, so it was easy for me to talk about my issues. One night while we were texting he asked me a question that put everything back in perspective. He asked me, "Will you continue fighting this alone or will you allow God to help you in your battle of purity?" I knew that this is God's way of making me realize that He was just waiting for me to look up to Him to redeem me from the pit. So to make the story short, my friend whom I've never seen helped me get back on track with my relationship with God.

That night I prayed for inner healing and deliverance, I felt renewed and reconciled back to God. I felt "clean" for what has been the longest time. I realize now that the reason I kept stumbling is because I was relying on my own strength, not God's. I now know better that there are just some areas in our lives where we will need God's help and the support of others. I'm not afraid to ask for help now as I once was.

How I praise the Lord for His complete forgiveness. I am a joyfully single woman who has recommitted her life to Jesus. I know that if I can devote myself completely to God while I'm single, I'll be much better prepared for whatever plans God has for me down the road.

Here are some scriptures that helped me in struggle with lust:

1 Thessalonians 4:7-8 (New International Version)
For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

Corinthians 6:18-20
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Learn more about breaking free from the bondage of lust in your own life