Is homosexuality a sin?

by Love jejus
(S.korea)

Please help me,

I am from S.korea, and I am having a painful time of fearness and depression which once made me think of commiting suicide.

Since my dad's death when I was 13yrs old or from ealier years of my youth, I started realizing that I like older men, which means I am gay and like chubby older men who can give me comforts and consoles, and loves. But in my country, korea which is one of the most conservative countries in this world when it comes to homosexuality, I had not been able to become what I wanted to be. And I sure believed that god would love me as who I am. I did finally start admitting myself being gay and some relationship as of my age, 24.

With a luck, I lived in Australia and the states, and traveled over the world. Through the years in those open countries gay, I have certianly tried to find my love of life ;while I was to never interested in just sex. But I got my heart broken, many times through relationships and last year I thought finally met love of my life in the states. But a month ago, I started afraiding of HIV infection that I had never thought of, and I started being so scared, could not sleep over the days. And I came back to korea, but I was so bad with fears and depression. I had HIV test, and I was negative, but since those scary days, I have become so obssesed with thought that what if I become real crazy, and what if it is sin from a god becuase of my bad life. Here in korea, I was desperate, needed helps, so I had to tell my family that what has happened to me, and they think my gay life has drawn me up to this far bad-off. Meanwhile, my lover in the states has tried to help me in anyways he can from the states, and will come to korea to see me after a week. But My family wants me to stop meeting him, but I love him and he loves me. I just want to know what god wants me to do, for which I keep praying, reading all kind of christian books to get healing. I feel so much guilty between my love and family, and both cares about me a great deal.

I feel a little fear even now because I write this here, what if this is not what god wants me to do,,,,,,,,,,,

I am sorry, my story looks so confusing,,,,and sorry for my poor english. But I just don't have anybody to share here in korea as I realized that most people here whom I talked with is just against homosexuality.

Do I have to give up being gay? and if I have to, how can I do it? what about my pure love?,,,,,just so confused,,,,

I offered so selfish prayer, I prayed to god that if what I am doing is not right, please don't make me get our of my mind, crazy mentally,,,,,please just take me to heaven,,,please before I do something bad to myself by satan's attack.

Please help me through this,,,,,

thank you for reading all this,,,,,god bless you.