How To Let Down My Guard...

by Monica
(Texas)

Hmm a little about myself?

Well I am a mother of 3 stay at home mom. I have been married for 11 years. Had a very rocky marriage still working on it. I come from a household where my mother was very stubborn, my way or no way. I feel that I picked up on that and that was a big part of why my marriage was in trouble. I want to be a better person. I want to be a better wife.

I have shut down all emotion towards everyone in my life. I have the mentality that if I don't care I can't never get hurt. I love my kids and husband but I can't get myself to be a cuddly, huggable person. I hate to be touched by anyone. I hate hugs, holding hands all that there is just no purpose for that.

Crying? Oh crying is like a big issue with me - You just don't do it! No crying! I feel like I am so hateful but I don't want to be.

Where to start to begin being a better person? Where do you begin?

Comments for How To Let Down My Guard...

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Tearing Down Walls NEW
by: Jay

Hey there, I'm a husband in a similar situation as yours, I guess. Except that we don't have kids yet. Growing up in a broken household where feelings reigned supreme yet were corrupted by emotional manipulation, I learned that to let people in was to throw myself into a highway and hope I didn't get flattened by a thousand cars. I learned that it was easier to put on a fake smile, tell people I was "ok" when I wasn't, and wear a blank poker face than it was to be vulnerable and risk being abused or misunderstood.

The problem is, somewhere along the line, this twisted into the lie that I didn't belong, that I was incapable of getting along with others, and that I was not trustworthy. When problems arose with friends, I dropped them and ran away. When my wife seemed angry with me, I just shut down and avoided her. When I was disappointed with life, I hid away and got drunk.

God has a way of bringing us into the light and into situations where we must be vulnerable to others. My mother in-law says it's like we are brought out into the light from the shadows. My wife says that God never wanted us to be lone wolves. My pastor said on numerous occasions that we need relationships to be in relationship with God. And for what it's worth, how can we expect to rely on people if we aren't vulnerable with them?

The truth is, I haven't figured out how to be vulnerable yet. The thought of telling people whose opinions I care about (like my wife)what I am *really* struggling with makes me want to stop moving and throw up everywhere. I'm lonely all the time, and I want to be closer to the people in my life, but I still fear being abandoned and taken advantage of, things I experienced repeatedly as a child. As an adult resurrected by Christ, however, I yearn to 'belong', to be trusted, and to be liked, and there is no excuse for not letting God heal this at this point in time.

I regret that I can only offer understanding and agreement with you. However, know that both husbands and wives struggle with this. Therefore, it must not be uncommon even in Christian marriages. Hang in there, keep praying, and remember that God wants the best for you, and he will bring people to you that will challenge you to break down your walls.

Sacrifice
by: Anonymous

My mother was very similar to you and she still is. I had to break the curse of the generations.. To be like her is to be emotionally cut off or dead. You must lay yourself on the alter and ask God for your healing. You have experienced much pain and now you are giving the same as you got, so to speak. Deny yourself the protection. Open up, lay your self down and let God work in you. It is a beautiful thing to be made a new creature. The enemy has told you lies and you have believed him..The greatest commandment is love. With out love, you hurt and your family hurts and that kind of damage is what the enemy wants. You cannot be functioning for the glory of God's Kingdom if you are bound by your own emotions. Break the bindings to your heart give your heart to God and have him teach you what love is. It is sacrifice. You must die to your self so that the Christ in you can live. You and Christ cannot occupy the same space. You must give yourself to him... Be blessed and I will pray for you.

bringing down the walls!
by: morgan

I only have 2 children and one has been married 1 1/2 years , but my mother was just like yours and I realized that the only way to bring down the walls is to FORGIVE and not what the world considers forgiveness. The world says I forgive you and then turns around and brings it right back up. In Hebrews 8:12 "For I will be merciful to their in righteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." (KJV) in psalms 103:12 " As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us." (KJV)Now you may be saying that is how he forgives us. but in Matthew 6:14-15 "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will the father forgive your trespasses." (KJV) It is not easy to forgive like the Lord. The only way to do that is to give it to the Lord. Ask him to help you truly forgive all who hurt you, because if you forgive like him it is as if it never happened and then you have no need for the walls. Sound easier than it is I know. I had to do the same and I am so much better for it. Hope this helps. god bless.

Love covers a multitude of Sin
by: Melinda

Honey, You are holding on to a lot of pain and the parts of life that helps you to love and not hate you are avoiding. Keeping a Guard is hurting you far more than you can imagine. The guard you are keeping is keeping you trapped. Go to God and cry to HIM. God will heal through the tears you cry. Love is so important in families and especially Christians, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whose so ever believed on him should not perish but have everlasting life. Shut our emotions off is not the way to go. I will pray for you and if you want to talk about it you can reach out my email is melgal1@optonline.net.

Fellow Wall Builder
by: Anonymous

It is such a scary thing to be vulnerable! Your hands probably stay sore from building those walls of self protection around yourself, but if you are anything like myself, once those walls are in place, you become lonely. Once loneliness comes, bitterness enters with it. Sister, I will pray for you & I carry the same burden, and it is heavy.You may have been taught by your mother how to treat/communicate love to your children. You may have been taught that being a Mom involved "acts of service" w/little emotional connection/involvement and you know no other way. Our flesh always takes us to what we have always done and it takes walking in the Spirit to change our old ways. Remember, that when Christ shed his Blood for you& you accepted Him into your heart, you became NEW! I've recently tried new things since my sweet husband decided to confront me about my walls after 13 yrs of marriage. In those moments I least want to touch, I touch! I hug when I don't want to, become involved in the silly conversations, frame artwork in expensive frames, hold hands, pray with my husband & children (gulp), begin reading a novel to the children (helped me have something to discuss with them),began a Bible study, tried to be less critical by thinking something positive when I think something negative. When I began these simple things the change in the attitude of my kids and husband are amazing! They smile and laugh, listen when I speak, joke with me--very difficult for me but working on it. Chores are getting done & we even started projects together.Everything is not perfect but much improved and with practice it will become natural instead of those fleshly, self-preserving (centered) thoughts and actions. Get out of your comfort zone, wrap your family in prayer as well as yourself and home, and TRUST in GOD. In the end, we are here to glorify Him and what better way to do so than to be a wife and mother? Trust in JEsus and run to the Father with your pain. I will be praying for you.

You are protecting yourself with walls.
by: Monica

You can only give what was given you. As a youth you may have been taught to protect yourself at any cost, and may have been told, don't trust anyone, they will only let you down.
Monica this is what I see in the spirit.
You have built a wall of protection all around you. I can see the top of your head is all,a brick wall of protection has been built all around you, by your doing. Everytime someone hurt you, you began to stack up the bricks. Anger, resentment, rejection, fear the worst of all, frustration when you can not control people or the things that happen to you.
The Key is: release the struggle, let it go, repent, ask God for forgiveness, to help you forgive those who hurt you, Close your eyes and go back as far as you can remember, as a baby perhaps, a young girl, bring everything that has ever hurt you, take them all to the cross of Jesus and lay them before his feet. Let them go, carry yourself to the feet of Jesus, ask Him to forgive you for holding on to the pain and not letting them go.
Ask Jesus Christ to reveal everything one at a time, go through the pain of letting go, this is called brokenness. Humble yourself with love for your husband, and family.
Jesus is our example, he never tried to take control of people, He just let them be who they were, but His example taught people how to treat each other. With respect and commpassion.
Everything begins with forgiveness especially forgiveness for self. And life goes on, positive always.
God is always with you, and He can see your heart, He is always testing us, do you pass each test He lets us go through? He is teaching us always.
Love in Jesus Name,
Monia

Let Go and Let God work his miracle in your life
by: Myrtle Richards

Hi Monica

To my mind you sincerely want to change and that is the starting point for God to work wonders in your life. If you remember the woman with the blood issue, the blind man, the lepers and so many more biblical characters. The got their healing when they believed that God can do the miracle.

Well my dear I think that your time is now. You have gone inwardly and realised that you have those short-comings so now is the time for you to ask God to change you. It is not too late.

God wants to change you. He wants to mold you to be that person that he has created for you to be. He can only do that with your help. You have to be prepared to be open and receptive to His small voice and do what it commands you to do. Then you have to pray sincerely to God - not only you but your entire family (husband, wife and children). Please remember that a family that prays together, stays together.

I know that God wants to do great things in your marriage and He can if you allow him to. The mere sight that your husband keeps hanging on tells you quite a lot. He too knows that one day God would change you. So my dear, it is now up to you. Would you allow God to change you and to take care of your marriage? It is my hope that you can start that process right now. I know that as you do so in faith all will be well. God bless you richly.

Honey Let go and Let God
by: Anonymous

Honey love will began to heal the wounds that have you scared to let your guard down. Fear which means false, evidence, appearing, real; which is not a spirit of God. Fear is the spirit of the father of lies. Honey start by praying for God to begin healing your broken heart. God love you.1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love covers a multitude of sin. Let go and let GOD and He will lead you all the way!

Trust and Fear
by: Ameerah

Hi Monica,

What you described reminded me a lot of myself a few years back. I always had this wall up because I thought if I it down I wouldn't be let down or hurt. So, I kept everyone at what I felt was a safe distance.

Through seeking God, He showed me the pains in my heart that had caused me to build these walls that weren't keeping me safe, but in bondage. The walls were the enemy's way of stealing the abundant life that Jesus died to give me and convincing me that it was for my own good. But, my Heavenly Father helped me to break free!! Now, I'm no longer a prisoner of doubt, criticism, sarcasm, cynicism etc.

When I read your question, I began to wonder what painful things have happened in your life that taught you not to trust. But, regardless of why this happened, there is only one place to begin your healing process:

You start with the most important relationship of all! Your relationship with God.

Chances are if you don't trust others and your relationships with people are suffering, your relationship with God is suffering too. You?re probably like I was. You trust God...to a certain extent. But, once you strengthen your relationship with God, it will give you the peace to begin trusting those around you. Why? You will understand an important truth:

You don't always have to "look out for #1"! Your Heavenly Father has promised to look out for you! So, once you have strengthened your relationship with God, you will be able to let your guard down, knowing that if someone else let's you down, He will be there to help you put the pieces back together.

So, how do we begin working on that relationship?

I would start out with creating a prayer journal. Communication is a foundation for any good relationship, including your relationship with God. When you take those broken places in your heart to Him in prayer, you'll find out that He won't abandon you for your mistakes or weaknesses as we often fear. But He will love you in spite of them. I explain how to create a prayer journal here, and give you a few free printable journals you can use.

Also, if you haven't already, I would recommend signing up to get your free 4 part audio series on how to connect with God. I've gotten a lot of feedback on how this series has changed the lives of a lot of people, and it is free - NO strings. You can fill out the form to the right or go here to read more about the series and our VIP program.

God Bless!
Ameerah Lewis
Are YOU a Student of God?
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