Hello,

by India
(Seattle, WA)

My name Is India and I am 24 years old. I am from Tennessee and I am currently In WA State. I haven’t had the best of life. As a child, I was taken from my mother because of abuse and placed In 48 some homes. Eventually I was placed In a Baptist home for a couple of years and I graduated high school from there then I attended some college.

I moved to WA State due to drug use and me falling into depression. Washington was supposed to be me starting over. Unfortunaly, I have had the roughest time here.

I was hit by a car in 2010 outside of a club, broke all my ribs on my right side, and broke my sternum. I figured at that time in my life God was telling me slow down he has a better plan for me and at that time I had been praying for God to help to be strong to not be friends with a girl who was not good for my life. so in result to that this happen. I’ve been here for 3 years. In this time I have had people steal from me, hit by a car, and had an abortion, (which I never ever believed In doing that) (and just so happen that Jan 9 2009 I had my abortion and Jan 9 2010 I was hit by a car and I feel like God has cursed me like I’m not ever going to be happy).

After my accident I got back on track I was In my word I quit smoking stop worrying about someone loving me (as far as relationship goes) and I was happy. I meet my boyfriend In May 2010 and we have been together for 1 year.

Normally when I meet guys, they were at clubs. I meet him at a park and since then I have been threw alot. He has cheated on me the whole time with the same girl. We have been in fights. I really do love him and I want to spend my life with him but I wanna trust him. And I can’t and I’m driving myself crazy over it. He is good to me. But when he cheats, I get so angry that I'll push him and it goes from there. I know I’m not this angry person. I just feel like I just wanna be loved and he shows me that but he cheats so I’m angry.

I haven’t dealt with my abortion or my accident I still cry I really don’t like to leave my house like that I get peranode. It’s crazy because God gave me a gift to sing and play the piano and flute. But I’m scared to sing and play In front of people. I be seeing myself singing In front of people giving my story but I don’t know what’s holding me back. (I feel like God doesn’t hear me anymore (but I always tell him don’t give up on me)

I finally just got the courage to play at my church and I have been for a year. I guess my question is how do I get rid of this hurt and anger and be happy. And live the life I want to. And how do I know if my boyfriend is the one for me.

Like I said he is everything I want but the cheating (which he currently did stop but only for like a month), (he made a big step and started coming to church and stuff) my hurt I feel now has turned into anger. I just want to get back on track and be where God wants me to be. and get to know God more and experience that joy and happiness.

One thing I did do was join a r&b group and gospel group. So I can use my gift. I know I’m probably all over the place. But my mind is to. I want to have peace and joy. I wanna live life. I don’t want to be sad or angry or depressed. I don’t wanna struggle no more with my bills or stressing out.

I am to young someone help.

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