Freedom from Mormonism, Sexual Abuse and Depression etc...

by Anita
(New Mexico)

Anita's Testimony: Sept 2005

My story of Salvation began in 1971. I was married and in a miserable situation, void inside for purpose of my life and life in general but most of all in desperate need of a Savior. Before I was saved my life was: I had been raised a Mormon much against my will and left the religion in 1964 when I was 16 years of age. This is another story for another time.

I was raised by a widow, due to my father died when I was only 22 months of age. Due to this I had a huge need for a "Validation Stamp" for worth as I had none. 2 men had molested me by the time I was 8 years old. I went on a quest to find a "Validation Stamp" which had me looking in a variety of dead end roads.

One of which was to find a man to marry me but in marriage even that provided no" Seal" to be put upon me. I got married and was married 5 ½ years when I got a job in my search and was witnessed to by a nice Lutheran girl on the job. She was different and I would listen to her.

I left my husband and flew home to Seattle from Denver to find something I had never seen, nor heard, nor imagined possible. That was a relationship with a real living God but I did not yet understand it all. I went to a Bible Study at my half sister's home and saw this phenomenon for the first time. My mother got saved before my eyes and it opened my eyes to something new. My eyes were opened but my ears still closed to this new thing but at the same time my heart was open for answers to life.

My husband drove to Seattle that winter in Dec. 1971 to get his family and I was scared, vulnerable and just at my wits end but due to the fear of raising my son alone I went back to Denver with him. In the car I told him I was searching for something but I did not know what it was but I did know it had to do with religion.

How I came to know Jesus:

The next night, which was December 6th 1971, after my return to Denver some Lutheran's came to my door. They said I wanted an in home visit after a visit to the nearby church. I had no memory of filling out this card and it was not my way. But I let them in as I had questions about this new thing called Salvation and the Infilling of the Holy Spirit I had just witnessed at my sister's home. They shared the Born Again life with me and invited me to a Bible Study. They told me the plan of Salvation using the Billy Graham 4 Spiritual Laws tract. I let them pray for me and they told me I was saved that night in my living room. But I knew I was not, I had much repenting and emptying out to do first. I thanked them for the information and let them out the door to turn and slide into "home base" as it were as I knelt beside my bed. I repented and repented and then repented of things I did not know if they were sin but I wanted all the bases covered. The Lutheran's told me that night that "I would feel the weight of sin lift from my shoulders" I had not felt this. So I repented some more with deep gut rendering repentance I prayed. This went on for most likely an hour I am not sure. I was at a loss. I asked the Lord to show me a sign that He heard me. Nothing! So when I had not felt this and told the Lord I knew I was not acceptable to Him and I would do what ever it took to clean up my life to be acceptable. I told Him I felt like a "grain of sand on Alki Beach". And that God was far too busy for me. But I knew I had to get His attention somehow and I would do whatever to get it.

I then read the prayer in the back of the tract they left with me. And upon saying "In Jesus Name, Amen" I felt the "the weight of sin lift from my shoulders". I had never felt such peace or the presence of the Lord before and I leaned back on my dresser drawers basking in His presence for quite awhile. I never wanted to leave it. But what was wonderful was I knew I was accepted. I did not understand why, or how I just knew I was & I was accepted to go to heaven.

I immediately told:

The next morning after my husband got up-- I had a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other & immediately told him I was saved and going to heaven & he was not and it did not go over well with him. I did not know much but I did know I was going to heaven and at last I found what I was looking for.

So now the fight began between us. He did all he could to stop me from pursuing this so I had to sneak out to go to church or to a Bible Study I found out about. I had a tremendous fear of churches due to my Mormon up bringing and I would freeze at the entrance door and turn around and not go in but go back home. I could attend Bible Studies and did so. But had to make my prenatal dr. appts on the day of the Study in order to be able to go. Charlie would undo the distributor cap etc…to stop me from going. This was a prayed for baby by the way. I was told I would not have a second child but I prayed like Hannah did not even knowing of her and the Lord found the grace to give me a second son.

I immediately told:

After my Salvation experience I called my mother in Seattle and wrote a letter to my half sister and brother in law. They were the ones to get us involved in the Mormon Church but got out 10 years before and I received a beautiful letter from him and I lost it. Oh, how I wish I still had it. But to continue…. I had a great hunger to learn more but little opportunity. I had girlfriends and we got involved in some spiritualism, automatic handwriting in my search. I went to a medium and he told me of my past lives and some other flattering things of my children. And my void past haunted me again, to make contact with my dead father I asked him for a message from him and got one. This started the automatic handwriting to have more communication with him. I will admit I have felt a force take charge of my right arm and move it to make scribbles, but never got a much yearned for message.

I had questions on if this was Biblical or not and wrote a pastor in Denver named Charles Blair. He wrote me a personal letter, telling me "No it was not" and the scripture to prove it. So I stopped it all together.

I still had such a miserable time in my marriage I finally filed for a divorce, kicked my husband out of the house and started drinking heavier than ever before. But God intervened! Charlie wrote a letter to my half sister begging her to help and talk sense to me and she gave me a call after much thought and prayer. It was placed at 3 AM! She prayed with me and counseled me and sent me to a large Ladies Ministry in Denver. I called and the lady in Denver spoke to me and I never went to a meeting though.

But due to my sister praying with me I accepted a call from Charlie and listened to him instead of swearing at him and hanging up on him one morning. He was surprised I would not hang up on him and was speechless for a moment. But he asked if I would meet him even in a public place. I was afraid of him but more angry than afraid at that point. I agreed and it was in the cafeteria where he worked. Later I found out a Christian lady who was his boss was praying for us. I was calloused and hard and told him I would only go back to him if he moved us to Seattle. I knew he would never leave Denver and then I could have a clear conscience. But he agreed and I about fell off my seat in the booth.

We put our home up for sale and moved and lived temporarily with my sister in Tacoma and weekends with my mother until Charlie got a job at Boeing. We have always given the Lord the credit for this job and at this job he met a man full of joy and he was drawn to him. He invited us to go to his church and we did. The second night Charlie got saved and as I knelt at the altar as well I could not concentrate on my prayer as I could hear him behind me repenting and I about lost it. I knew my life was going to be very different but again unknown the exact path. He got up from his knees a different man and I had to get used to him. That was Nov. 1973 almost exactly 2 years after I accepted the Lord.

See next submission for pt 2 of my story.