Delivered from Self-Harm
by Allie
(USA)
One of my cuts - what I think of myself, but not what God says about me.
Growing up, I was physically and sexually abused. As a young child (about 6), I began to hurt myself - I would pinch, hit and pull hair. At 8, I began cutting myself and burning myself with lighters from around my house. These behaviors helped me feel in control of a life I truly had no control of. They helped me to deal with the stress that a child should never have.
When I was 20, I accepted Christ as my Saviour and He showed me that this behavior, however helpful for dealing with life, was not what He wanted for me. He wanted me to have freedom, to depend on Him in the hard times, to rest in Him, rather than rest in having control.
For the past 3 years, I have struggled with giving up this behavior. It is truly an addiction for me. Last Friday, I hit a point when I felt that I could no longer carry the burden of cutting. I asked God to heal me, to deliver me, to take away this desire to use cutting to dull the pain. I haven't cut since then. The urges come, but as I pray for release from each one, Abba provides as I need. He even helped me to go to a store and not buy more razors. I was so tempted to buy a pack, but I felt His hand on my shoulder, guiding me past them, and I didn't think twice - I left them on the shelf and bought what I needed, but nothing more. Praise be to God. I look forward to His continuing restoration process, inside and outside!
