Christian sex before marriage

by Chris
(Destin, FL)

I am a 46 year old born again Christian. My boyfriend is a Christian but not born again. He does not see any reason why we should not have sex since we 'love each other'. We have been intimate and I have been feeling so guilty that I have suggested that we stop having sex/making love until we are married or at least engaged. He feels that I am pressuring him to marry me without allowing us the chance to get to know each other etc.... and does not agree that we should wait until marriage for sex.

I don't know what to do - I do love him and our relationship is good in every way. It doesn't feel 'wrong' when we make love, but everything you read in the bible says that it is. I don't know how to address this with him and am looking for some help.
Thanks!!
Chris

Comments for Christian sex before marriage

Click here to add your own comments

Shalom
by: Anonymous

Excellent. God bless you

Christian sex before marriage
by: Ameerah

Hi Chris,

I know that you feel that you are in a very difficult situation, but your heart is heavy for a reason. Regardless of how much you care for someone, that does not override God's perfect will for our lives.

The first thing that we must stop and realize is that God's instructions for us are not for His benefit. They are not some manipulative attempt at control as Satan would like for us to believe. They are loving words of guidance from the one who knows us better than we know ourselves. He love you and better than anyone, even you, He knows the things that can totally devastate and destroy you, and sex outside of marriage is definitely one of those things.

It is an area of faith really. Do we trust God's judgment more, or man's? Man has cheapened sex and said that it is ok as long as we love someone. But, God is love and true love can only come from Him. Would true love cause us to go against Him, or to draw closer to Him? If it causes us to go against Him, it is true love, or has our flesh gotten in the way and tainted what God has created?

You mentioned that your boyfriend says that he does not want to be pressure into marrying you without allowing you a chance to get to know each other. But, if you do not know each other well enough to get married, then do you know each other well enough to unite and become one flesh? God's Word tells us that when we have sex with someone we become one flesh with that person, no matter who they are. In His eyes, we are now one wedding ring or not. It is not just a physical act, it is a spiritual one that is meant to be the true joining after the vows have been read and NOT before.

Now, I don't say all of this to guilt you. I know how hard it is to go from a sexual relationship to a celibate one, my husband and I had to do this because we were in the world when we started dating. But we did it and God has really blessed our marriage because of our obedience and trust in Him.

I really question how equally yoked you really are with your boyfriend if He is pressuring you and guilting you in this way. What He is asking you to do is choose him over God. If this is happening now, I am concerned that it may happen later on once you are married in other areas. You may think you can change Him, but only God can do that. I would pray and ask for God's guidance. This could in deed be a red flag that he is not the one God has for you, or maybe not. But, prayer will reveal God's plan.

God Bless,
Ameerah

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Christian Life Advice.

Read Site's Privacy and Copyright Policy

Christian sex before marriage

Comments for Christian sex before marriage

You're a VIP to Me!